Monday, 19. December 2011
Desire, passion and love; it’s so easy to be glib about these things and the idealised people we project them on to as their perfection in turn allows us to feel blessed, literally blessed.
Let’s not mention repulsion for now; let’s try to stay with one side of the coin. Let’s not open up that ugly equation whereby one may only feel good by denigrating another, by bathing in the triumph of possession (of the wholesome relationship and by implication, the healthy life) – while the damned walk away distraught and alone…
One must glow in the light while the other hides ashamed in darkness. It’s the same desire. It’s the same passion. It’s the same so-called love.
Handle it skilfully, never owning up to the sordid parts and you will be rewarded by a complicit partner who is also playing the game, albeit lifelessly; handle it badly, acting out too much vulnerably – you will be mocked, rejected and reviled out of all proportion to your supposed crime.
The key thing that most people really desire is to be included and yet all social systems at all epochs in all territories have turned upon rewarding exclusivity for the select few and damning exclusion for the rest. Power, popularity, respect, wealth, beauty, love, influence – they are related and all collectible. To fail is to be cursed and we know this in our hearts.
Most of us have failed too much and need to pretend that we have not failed at all; this is sometimes called mindless optimism. Some of us are so afraid that we may have failed that we search like crazy for greater failures than ourselves; this is sometimes called gossip. They are both despicable.
Posted in Commentaries by Steven Holmes -
Tuesday, 6. December 2011
It’s relatively easy to tell some kinds of truth and exclaim: “Hey, look, I’ve told the truth. Now I’m done.” And they may even add: “That’s
my truth,” stressing the fact that truth cannot be absolute, which is obvious. But, despite what self-serving arseholes will tell you, there is ALWAYS one best truth in the room, the truth that will bring resolution. This is what they used to mean by the symbol of the Holy Grail, that whose discovery will release the body/mind/group/kingdom from the poison that hangs over it.
This best truth in the room will be reached first by the most intuitive person involved if they have nothing to conceal. Those who are concealing guilt, suspicion, doubt or a fear of sharing the blame will always come up with some other, more devious truth, over and over again. That is what CBT and psychotherapy are, leeches on the soul draining bits out to stop it exploding. The best truth in the room will never be reached by anyone with an axe to grind, by anyone who is following a system, religion, discipline or coaching methodology, by anyone whose motive is to win the argument or say something popular, by anyone who has set themselves up as an expert, a wise woman or a guru.
Sometimes, in a room full of people stuck in lie, a dog or a child is the one carrying the best truth in the room. Often it is a person who is not powerful and remains afraid to say it. The combination of passive intuition and fierceness or courage is so rare in our world that most of these truths come nowhere near consciousness, let alone group awareness – leaving almost all interpersonal and personal problems forever unsolvable.
With the mental equipment people have available right now what is needed is a lot more than a bit of sincerity or even the authenticity we are all aping by being outspoken from time to time in the new internet age. We as a species are not moving closer to redemption; we are still pulling away despite decades of new lies derived from psychotherapy, democracy, feminism, the MBA and its associated frantic managerial enthusiasms, performance coaching, “the cloud”, networking, goal setting and “civilised divorce”.
The best truth in the room is the one that no one wants to tell.
Posted in Commentaries by Steven Holmes -
Sunday, 4. December 2011
Poetic truth will always be the truest truth in the room…because our lives are a series of interlocking dreams, narratives, destinies, chances, accidents and miracles – not rational transits from one plan to another goal. It cannot ultimately make sense. It is not designed or explained and cannot truly be corrected. What is lost or missed cannot be recovered. What is loved cannot be held tight, though what is hated often is..
Posted in Commentaries by Steven Holmes -
