Let’s say you had a perfect friend….

Friday, 19. June 2009

Someone who is better than you could even have hoped for. How would that be?

This is a much bigger question than it appears to be if you dwell with it for a while and remember being a teenager looking for love and self-esteem.

4 Responses to “Let’s say you had a perfect friend….”

  1. AnnG Says:

    Does that teenage feeling ever really go away?

    I always think that is the appeal of Christianity or religion, isn’t it? The only perfect friend after all, is the imaginary one.

    Real friends after all are just like us. They get caught up in their own problems and don’t always see us floundering when a kind word is needed.

    So in the end the best we can hope for is the “good enough” friend, like Winnicot’s “good enough mother”

    Perhaps giving up hoping for that perfect friend, or that perfect mother, is a symptom of being grown up?

    Whatever, I suppose if we want perfect friends, we’d better start trying to be better friends ourselves.

  2. Steven Holmes Says:

    Does “good enough” cover it: as we mature…

    Don’t children collect friends, teenagers negotiate friendships, adults have an awareness of the compromises, our souls feel the miracle of others, hopefully with some gratitude for their gift…

    I want my friends to be miracles these days. I want to find the unexpected in them, like a richness I can drink from. I don’t want to have to negotiate who does what for whom and I certainly don’t want to be placed by them in some ridiculous hierarchy.

  3. Fay Says:

    @Perhaps giving up hoping for that perfect friend, or that perfect mother, is a symptom of being grown up?

    That touched a nerve! I have always had great trepidations about my mother..during her life and after her death…we did not get on very well although I was a good child and a perfect teenager (well compared to any teenagers today in our family) I worked hard and paid my mother all of my wages from which she gave me pocket money until I finally left home…I felt very guilty about that but my brother had started work so my responsibilities were ended.

    Even with all the pain she caused and all the pent up anger I felt and never let go of during her life…I never ever wished for the ‘perfect mother’…Whatever she was or did she was MY mother and I would never wish for anyone else to be that.

    I did not invite her to our wedding and I do not regret that…it wasn’t so much a punishment for her…it was to protect my husband….my best friend…my mother had a spiteful tongue. One that could injure and scar for life.
    I was never allowed friends as a child and only associated with others in family visits and at school…My cousin was the nearest thing to a best friend and he and I were always taken as twins…we were inseparable when we were allowed to visit.
    I have thousands of aquaintences but I cannot name one as a best friend apart from my husband…and we fight like cat and dog often….very stimulating! However we put that down to his pain and my workload…..

    I suppose in the end the other best friend I have in this world is…..me :)


  4. rogerv Says:

    Friends. We can choose our friends but not our family*

    I’ve got some very good friends with whom I’ve known a very long time, one over 35 years and the nearest we have ever come to having ‘words’ was when in the market in France and buying wine to drink on the boat during the holiday. Sue was picking bottles costing anything from 10 FF upwards and as quick as she was putting them in the trolley I was taking them out and exchanging for the local stuff of 1 to 2 FF.

    Sue has always been there for me when I’ve had problems but likewise I have another friend who I fight with all the time but will always make sure I’m ok.

    Perhaps we don’t really become friends until we have the scares to show for that friendship. Certainly I’ve had ‘battles’ with a couple of people here in the past who I regard as friends now.

    * The former Mother in Law said that although I think it’s origin is someone more famous and certainly pleasant.

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