How do you find out about a person and death to all coaches…

Wednesday, 30. January 2013

How do you find out about a person?
Hands up all those who would say “Ask?”
I beg to differ. I think we have no right whatsoever to interrogate each other and expect answers, not to satisfy our curiosity and not even if we are pretending interest to get ourselves noticed. In fact if someone asks me a question I make it clear to them that they have overstepped a boundary and need my permission to get personal. Likewise, if someone is sitting in my living room and I am curious about them, I first ask if they would like to talk about whatever it is.
This may seem like a very high level of ethics to some but actually it’s the only thing that truly works. You cannot find stuff out by demanding answers. You find stuff out, if that really is your intention, by observing and noticing what you observe and looking for the spaces between the image and the reality. If there are very few space you have located an interesting person.
Some people pose questions in their “blogs” as if they were interested in our opinions when actually all they are trying to do is get noticed, get liked and make us respect them. If I ask a daft question in a “blog” I want you to know that I am joking, provoking and being satirical. Heaven forbid I should ever speak or write any words for any baser motive than the desire to communicate, illuminate, share experiences and learn about others.
Anything else is a tawdry insult and I will continue to hunt down such things when energy permits and throw them back in the faces of the idle manipulators who think they make clever personal branding for themselves.
If you wish to find out about things, that is different. You are asking for knowledge to be given to you and that is a totally different matter.
When “The Nice” dislike something I have said they usually reveal their true selves by coming back at me with a paternalistic/maternalistic question such as “Did you have a hard childhood, Steve?” Or some such crap. That’s when I go ballistic.
No one, no one on earth, has the right to use interrogation of any kind, even disguised as well-meaning understanding, to manipulate me or anyone else. If you are not intelligent and empathetic and insightful enough to learn by noticing then I’m afraid you will be stuck in ignorance for the rest of your life; if you want to ask me fake question to put me in my place I’m afraid you will fail every time.
Decent people feel affinity with what is true, even if they dislike kit. If they disagree they say so without resorting to sneaky attacks, most of which come as questions because that is the basic tool of the greatest menace of our time, to whit: coaches. Who abuse everyone they pretend to help with their reality-defining questions.
People rarely ask because they actually want to know. Their minds are already made up and they already know better than you. They ask because if they make you stand at attention to answer their questions they have dominated and manipulated you. Simple as that.
Death to all coaching whatsoever. And there’s no real money in it, so why the hell are they all doing it?

2 Responses to “How do you find out about a person and death to all coaches…”



  1. Vincent Says:

    I agree with you on all points, I think. There are of course some people who ask questions to get the interlocutor to talk about himself, & make friends that way. My first wife was like that. But I’ve thought for a long time that not asking questions is the polite thing to do – and the old-school English thing too.

    On the matter of coaching: interesting question. As you may know I trained as a counsellor, then practised as a Mickel therapist, treating patients with ME/chronic fatigue, which had plagued me for years. Is there any clear line between these kinds of therapy and coaching? I’m glad I repudiated that sort of thing, whether as mentor or client. In retrospect it seems very cultish. You learn to filter reality so as to seem always in the right and superior to the client or non-believer.

    There’s no real money in it, I venture to suggest, because the practitioners aren’t able to deliver; but there’s a general conspiracy to deny this, embracing the trainers, supervisors and practitioners. They all want to be financially viable and this over-rides the honesty that honour demands. So you have to go into cultish mode to avoid *consciously* being dishonest.

    A few do make money, I suspect, but this doesn’t prove anything. Coaching and allied trades tend to require belief as part of the treatment.



  2. RealSteveHolmes Says:

    Perhaps it was a kind of disease, akin to the mass hysterias of history, everyone going for perfection and clearness as the Scientologists called it.

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