Is is bullsh*t to speak of loving yourself?

Friday, 13. April 2012

It becomes habitual, does it not? You expect everything to fall short of marvellous and no matter that you gibber about it, you hope and scheme and get NLP-ed up to “breaking through”…. you do still know, deep in your heart that something will turn sour and in the end you’ll be back in those same old feelings of resignation, unexpressed and even un-felt bitterness, that snigger of gallows humour and a few brave but unconvincing platitudes trotted out for your friends and contacts. No wonder you can never tell the truth, about anything, because the truth always looks like a nagging dream, somewhere well short of nirvana but not exciting enough to be an actual nightmare.

I know that the idiot who controls your mind for your ego is denying this as you read it but one day you’ll remember that paragraph above and admit that it is a precise description of the normal human condition, for virtually of all of us. No amount of vegan diets, telling jokes, social networking, image-building, meditating, giving up desire, visualisation, playing chess or Byron bloody Katy is gonna change us from zombies to fully alive.

But hey, once you admit all this there is something you can do to bring yourself a bit of balance, not eternal happiness, not “success”, not a cure from your habitual patterns of thought and feeling, but a bit of balance that feels quite good and may come back if you want it to…

Because for each and every person, beyond all the pretence, the bullshit, the sighing and hoping and putting on a face… for every person there is something genuinely marvellous in your life and about you. Call it your genius if you want to be grandiose but actually it serves you much better to see it as a normal feature of the heart and soul of who you are and what treasure you have managed not to lose.

When I wrote CVs for a living I had a vested interest in people believing in themselves because I gave the customers a money-back guarantee that they would get an interview. This means that I devoted some of my utterly brilliant insight into trawling past the garbage they usually put out, past the defeat in their voices, past the denial of despair and hope, past the remorseless grind of their lives – all the way through to the central issues, which is…

What is it about you that is a real gift to the world and yourself?

Once you touch that place you can begin to put your burden down from time to time, the burden of being a slave in a world of slaves, the burden of being a cog in a world of cogs, the burden of “working for the man” and never getting anywhere, the terrible burden of falling out of love with the ones you loved. These things are all connected. See the dark side and you will notice how strong the light is. Carry on pretending and you get shades of grey for ever.

Trust me, where I’ve been, at the doors of death several times, there is no other way. What descending into the underworld teaches you is that you need the company of angels to survive and in the company of angels you too can be angelic. This is a metaphor, by the way. not a new religion. Metaphor is far more true and expressive than referential and “logical” language, which is for small-minded people who are trapped in their boxes, their servitude to systems beyond their control that do not want you to know you are an angel and a free being who can love and be loved and rejoice in the gifts of life…

Say no to the grind; say hello to the wonder. Yes, but first you must tell the truth(see paragraph one above). There is no escape. You are not there yet. You are still acting out being mature. That doesn’t make you bad, but it keeps you in shackles dictated by repetition compulsions, competitive social values, bitterness, avarice and the pathetic increments of triumph that ego needs to feed on, like a vampire. It is your joy that it is feeding on, and the joy you could be having with others (instead of social grease and random, meaningless, let-you-down-when-things-get-tough, erm “connection” -which is sheer bullshit).

This is your life. Live it.

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