The ocean of grief

Thursday, 29. March 2012

Mostly we associate crying with negativity. We want it to stop when we see others crying or when it happens to us. This is a mistake of monumental proportions. Whatever you repress, suppress, deny, defy or nullify will nevertheless be stored in memory, in your body tissues, as aversions and addictions, deep or shallowly unconscious, returning in dreams and if serious enough, causing bodily malfunction leading directly to killer diseases, mental and physical, when the midden of all that you have not allowed yourself to experience has festered to toxic levels. I cannot prove this, but you’d be a fool to bet against it. And I can prove that under the bluster and anger, everyone carries deeply stored grief for the shocks and losses that have been important in their lives since before they were even born.

Can’t cry? Don’t want to know? Rather be “optimistic”. Acting cheerful all the time? Being “on purpose” and focussed and unaware of the “bad” things going on in you….

You are mistaken to go that way. If you do feel the grief, if you do cry a lot, at first it seems infinite and overwhelming, but gradually it comes about that you wonder why you are crying. That is when the buried grief in your body tissue is releasing. There are no thoughts or images or protests or humiliations attached. It’s just pure grief. Everyone is holding it. Few ever clear it. To clear it you need courage and (probably) the support of a loving other who can be there simply to witness you.

Once you begin to clear it you will be simply astonished by how clearly life appears to you and how wonderful your joy can be, even in the tiniest moments. A lifetime may not be enough to empty the entire ocean of grief but in time you will become skilled at being with your own previously neglected and forbidden truth. And you will finally feel real, feel genuine, feel truly confident in your gifts… no need to pretend or bluff or connive your way through life ever again.

This is a lot better than learning some quick tips at an NLP course.

2 Responses to “The ocean of grief”



  1. Vincent Says:

    I agree with much of this. Not the idea that things happened before I was even born, unless you are referring to my life in the womb.

    And then again, you have singled out grief, which is an emotion which takes time to deal with. I see every emotion as needing to be acknowledged and translated into some form of action when it appears, to avoid the negative effects you mention.

    Indeed what you propose is the diametric opposite of NLP as I understand it. For it seems to me that NLP is telling your body what to do. Whereas what I should do is listen to my body’s wisdom.



  2. RealSteveHolmes Says:

    Indeed. I know that grief is not the only core stored emotion but I believe that whereas we welcome feelings that we deem “good” and therefore let them pass unhindered we shrink from emotions we deem “bas” and therefore block them.

    The being absorbs so much shock, so young and then continues to do so, none of it healthily processed. Whereas all positive feelings are processed willingly and thus evaporate, no matter how much we addictively attempt to repeat them.

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