Teacher’s pests

Tuesday, 21. July 2009

For the last sex yarrons I’ve been studying online networking styles of thought and expression, the same way you probably have only different I expect because you have a right to your opinion too…
Anyway, sod that, now that I couldn’t care less it’s starting to become clear to me that there are all sorts of infantile and idiotic styles through which people strive to be right all the time and top of the class, leader of the pack, part of the incrowd, or just “liked” or whatever.
I may comment on these more extensively as time goes by but the first type I want to talk about is the helpful teacher’s pet, the one who whenever you say something that could possibly be a question immediately bombards you with the most obvious answer as if you’re so damn stupid you can’t use Google yourself. This person is obviously still back in school and trying to impress everyone that they’ve remembered how to thunk and read the stupid books or whatever. I hate them. They never take any risks. They should be mocked, mercilously, especially the ones who give unasked for business and personal development advice at the same time as being obvious.
A close relative of this teacher’s pet is teacher’s snitch, the one who comes pounding in whenever you criticise the Germans or say anything remotely sexist, ageist, anti-anything they hold dear or inadvertently not environmental enough. This version of the thought police seems to be especially strong on the internet, I don’t know why. I never meet them in real life, or if I do they go straight in to shock and I don’t notice because I feel no empathy for the human mind whatsoever, only for the soul and the poor old body, those good bits that are constantly being bullied by the kids who want to impress teacher that we all carry within us and some people can’t help wearing on their sleeve.
I never give advice unless I am asked for it and I never give information except about myself if I think it might entertain or enrich someone else. They usually ignore me in any case, because they’re all so busy scoring points.

5 Responses to “Teacher’s pests”



  1. cartoono Says:

    Most types of networking ‘professionals’ are a rich source of humour. I just LOVE the ones who say ‘Great blog’ all the time to anyone who says something remotely obvious in the accepted networking-new-agey-positive manner. These people are a brand new breed to me and a definite inspiration in what I am writing at the moment. (Not this, at this precise moment; something else – offline!)



  2. changetrack Says:

    Who came first though?

    The ‘chicken’; your teacher’s pet who feels they have to provide a one-person nanny-state or the ‘egg’; the internet user who is so lazy/stupid/ignorant/arrogant * delete as appropriate that they post their inane commentary/questions without actually taking the time to do any prior, first level research whatsoever?



  3. Steven Holmes Says:

    You may be missing the point I was trying to make, Changetrack. I don’t care what the objective situation is. I’m trying to begin to illustrate a whole set of common personality types that reveal themselves on the internet because people have to commit themselves in written words. What I said above is just the start. A post-Freudian psychologist would have written an entire book about the infantile personality types that are becoming more obvious because on the internet no-one can be distracted by one’s charm. On the internet we see this pitiful need to be right all the time expressed in countless subtle ways at the expense of others, who were themselves only trying to be clever.

    There is no problem, you are right. There never were any problems. When a real problem comes into one’s life there is no solution and for everything else mere information may serve to steady the nerve but absolutely none of it matters until the day you go to the hospital for your test results and they come back wrong, at which point nothing on earth can “help” you.

    Pls note also: the culture of easy and quick “solutions: to which people are these days subscribing unconsciously. Get an instant business, have instant relationships, instant advantage, instant fixes, instant knowledge, instant wisdom. It’s all part of what I’m talking about



  4. changetrack Says:

    Maybe you misunderstood my response :-)

    I was agreeing with your ‘teacher’s pet’ persona as being prominently in existence.
    Thereafter, I was asking to what extent those people were being fed by the large number of internet users who are overtly dumb, e.g. someone who posts on a forum ‘does anyone know of a flower shop in Milton Keynes?’, when a simple slice of helping themselves: a Google search at the very least, would in fact have been a quicker route to their solution than typing out the original question.



  5. Cora Says:

    Teachers, top of the class, leaders of the pack:
    Is it possible to be friends, real friends, with such people, I wonder…

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