Comments on: Commentary on what love may be

By: Steven Holmes

Steven Holmes — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 18:29:09 +0000

I see value in holding two apparently paradoxical views of what happens in these long-term, intimate relationships we want so much: on the one hand they are magical and inspiring, capable of taking us to places where we could not go alone; on the other hand they often degenerate into a habitual, negotiated truce that throws that magic away. Where is the problem about consciously working to keep the former alive, as VLAHAKISA seems to suggest? What’s wrong with stopping the banter and asking where are we going with this? How do we live more in the magic and less in the shopping?

By: Martin Halfacre

Martin Halfacre — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 16:05:22 +0000

At the risk of sounding hard hearted, I think much of what is generally talked about as love is a conditioned response; a learned habit, based on a desire for security, protection, belonging etc. In that sense love has it’s limitations

‘I love you, but if you piss me off enough, I’ll hate you’

That’s not to say that love in it’s essence doesn’t exist. I just think at it’s purest it’s beyond comprehension and non-dualistic.

I acknowledge that last part sounds like a cop-out!

Martin

By: jeremy_dent

jeremy_dent — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 13:46:17 +0000

Fine, as far as it goes.

But what type of ‘love’? We really need to be more articulate about the precise state of emotion, or attitude, we are referring to.

For those who don’t have gravatars, see my blog, here, for help. http://blog.juicedigital.co.uk/2009/06/gravatars/

By: dannyboy

dannyboy — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 22:59:16 +0000

What love may be? That’s certainly a tough one to answer.

For me I think for something to qualify as ‘love’ there needs to be a timeless quality about it. Lust, passion and all the rest of it can be much more transient and ephemeral but there is something permanent and profound about love.

I am always particularly drawn to the words of Shakespeare on love, and he sums it up best for me in sonnet 116 in just a few words:

“Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds”

This conveys in a very eloquent but simple way the timelessness of true love – and it is this depth of feeling and its ability to overlook such changes that I think best sums up what love is all about.

By: jeremy_dent

jeremy_dent — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 19:53:05 +0000

The idea of love as having one’s psychological needs met by a partner seems a very negative, self-serving approach.

The English language uses the word ‘love’ as a workaday verb and noun for a large number of different states and actions. Erotic love is only one of them.

The word ‘relationship’ is similarly misused. We have relationships with everyone we know and meet. Why a close sexual relationship should always descend into a web of compromises is far from clear.

I’ll watch this space with interest.

By: VLAHAKISA

VLAHAKISA — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 19:00:59 +0000

I think facing reality and being honest is vital in any relationship, and relationships without this are almost certainly doomed to failure at some point.

Every single relationship will eventually go off the boil at some point, but it is possible to put it back on the boil again – I’ve done it myself once before in my own long term relationship and so know it can be done so long as the honesty (including honesty with oneself) and willingness is there.

How many ‘times’ it can be achieved if it ‘keeps’ going off the boil more than once is another matter!

I will live and learn I guess, as do we all.

By: Steven Holmes

Steven Holmes — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 17:13:51 +0000

I’m pushing the boat out, Vincent. I want this to be a model blog where any subject can be aired without violence or stupidity. And I’m happy to create space for others to start themes. Cora, for example, will be hosting a subsection on her hero Diderot, about whom she is the most knowledgeable person in Holland.

Bear with me. It will be good.

“Vincent Says:
I think it will be a good subject for your fiction, Steve, so that you can indicate in narrative and imagery the feelings and factors involved. I can’t see a discussion as the appropriate medium for hitting the spot.”

By: Steven Holmes

Steven Holmes — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 17:09:17 +0000

Response to Abdo: I’m delighted that you joined us and I’m sorry some of the English seems complex. It may get worse because I’m trying to make this a model blog site by having great contributors, some of whom have their own sites and blogs if you click on their names in the recent posts column on the right.

Anyway, having you here gives us an important perspective that we would not want to miss: that of a decent young man at the start of his life who is also a Muslim and like all other men having problems with the ladies!!!

Welcome indeed.

By: Vincent

Vincent — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 16:42:25 +0000

I think it will be a good subject for your fiction, Steve, so that you can indicate in narrative and imagery the feelings and factors involved. I can’t see a discussion as the appropriate medium for hitting the spot.

By: Abdo

Abdo — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 15:46:52 +0000

Thanks a lot Steve, for responding to my request.

But, my god! What kind of English is this! I’m not a native English speaker, but It takes people sometime to discover that. I was reading with the dictionary all the way, and still find some phrases ambiguous. And I bet, the majority of natives I know, who’s about my age , won’t be better.

Gaining language skills here

Anyway, for me approaching 22, I do have a negative image when it comes to love and relationships. I’m a practicing Muslim, so I don’t have sex before marriage and proud of it, that makes the only route for a relationship I engage in is only marriage and life long commitment.

I had been personally sensitive, romantic and having this magic idea of love, memorizing romantic Arabic poetry, getting obsessed with a certain love novel. was by nature ready to love my partner more than myself, relatively mentally grown up compared to guys in my age. I can understand, forgive and embrace. Can be funny and HOT! too.

Meaning the whole life to someone, listening to your name with a tone full of love and care. Looking to you as if you’re the one and only. Beautiful message left on your drafting board (Engineering School).

After breaking up for the first time 4 years ago, I don’t think I had the appropriate idea about love and being in a relationship. I knew girls from different ethnicities and backgrounds. The same behavioral pattern, which goes with ambiguity, lies and being self-centered.

I can say that non of them really loved me, some of them were for fun players, yes. but I was told everything might be said and I’m not an idiot. So, what’s going wrong here? That was actually what I’m trying to figure out from asking you about love.

To be continued …